Going Home

Spirit, Your light wraps around me. Your hands cradle my head, Your palm on the flat of my back…supporting and sending life energy through my aching spine, shooting up to my crown. I feel love. I feel You. The air blows through the window and chill reaches the nape of my neck. My toes are cold and my nose is numb but I don’t care. I feel. I’m so glad that today I can feel.

I look outside at my family of aspen trees and I see their leaves turning yellow. Some of the leaves have tiny brown spots I pretend are freckles. Oh how I love you, my sweet sweet aspen trees. Not really mine, but God’s…the Universe’s…but I can care for them while I’m here. I stand close to them and lay my hand on their snow white trunks and know that they are me and I am flowing love from Source into their delicate bodies…and then back to myself. My hand on their backs, on their chests, sending healing vibrations and gratitude and every other good thing to them. Oh how I love you sweet trees.

Is that how You feel about me? When my mind is grey and I’m locked in this cave of feeling so much that I can’t feel at all…is that how You see me? Do you scan my cold feet and my long white legs, my delicate arms and my soft hair and do You whisper “oh how I love you” ?

The leaves clink against eachother, the hum of the universe whipping in and out of gold and green and I feel the message stabbing my heart ever so lightly … only You can make a stab feel relieving, feel therapeutic, feel like love. Only You. The message is simply “I am.” It’s magic. Oh I love You. I love how You come to me. I love how you tickle my feet with dry grass and blanket me in blue skies, you caress my head in prism light. You send messages through birds and butterflies and letters and numbers and moments. In every moment. Your love seeps through sun rays and baby eyes and storm clouds….lightening bolts, red clay roads and scraped tree trunks. Your love is everywhere and I know You.

Piano music reaches my ears and the scent of blueberry muffins calls me back to the present. I scan the room with my eyes, feeling at home finally….finally there is peace…finally I’ve come back home. I’m not sure how long I can stay. How can I stand in this same space everyday and sometimes not feel it. But then I remember that it’s the heart space, the mind space, the sanctuary of the soul that creates peace…the music and the comfort. My home is found anywhere I’m cuddled up close to You. Even when I don’t feel the ecstatic joy of Your presence, I know You are with me. I don’t always feel You…but when I call…when i cry…You always come. You are always near me, in me…so I am always home.

I think now I’ll be done talking. I think I’ll let this moment sink in just a bit more. I’m going to sip my coffee and taste blueberries and feel your presence tingle my scalp and my soul and then…I’m going to dance.

Be afraid of nothing. Hating none, giving love to all, feeling the love of God, seeing His presence in everyone, and having but one desire – for His constant presence in the temple of your consciousness – that is the way to live in this world.

~ Paramahansa Yogananda

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