Loving Awareness

I look out at the sky and I know you put it there for me. It’s our secret. The air dances around my body, hugging me close and pushing me away simultaneously…that spot at the nape of my neck tingles and I feel Your whispers of love. You are only love, and I am loving awareness.

I am a witness. I witness it all … beauty, pain, struggle, survival…sometimes success. But mostly, I am a witness to my own thoughts.

My mind wants to stir me up in all the wrong ways…bring up the past, bring up the future, bring up the insecurities and the failures and all of the things I don’t want to visit today. I’m aware these are only thoughts…and I send them love. I am not a negative intention, I am not an achy joint or a toothache or a millennial. I am not an image – I am loving awareness.

I hold you close and feel your skin on my skin and light pours through my soul and drowns yours – this is love. A friend leaves me, crying…confused and aching and unable to breathe. Then, as I flow from extended mountain to forward fold, halfway lift…I see her face and she’s smiling, sitting in a field, the butterflies surround her and she’s breathing in light and I feel that sensation on the back of my neck…it prickles up to my head and I know that it’s You…there with me and also with her. This is love.

Then later, I lack self control. Alone, and needing something…I don’t know…relief? It doesn’t happen often anymore, but when it does…self loathing nudges my mind to batter my heart…the two sworn enemies and my soul often and forever the mediator. I see the morning sun peeking through yellow velvet curtains and I wonder what inspired that purchase. I cry. I don’t cry because of the curtains. I cry because I love myself …and it’s painful to let someone down that you love. My mind says “you should feel bad…you are better then that.” My temple agrees. But then I sense You. You come always in truth and I’m told that I am the same as the day I was born, blemish free and God inspired creativity. I AM loving awareness…I AM love itself, full of grace and mercy and patience and kindness and I send myself that love. I send myself ALL of the love. I feel better because I know that this moment is the one that matters and that in this moment I am connected to the Divine. Now this is love.

“Now I stroll at leisure with God, in the sunlit fields of life.” ~ Psalm 56:13b

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