There are times I look out my window and I wonder why I’m here. My heart searches for purple skies and bright moons and “hills alive with the sound of music” and what I find is smog and barking dogs and pesticide sprayed yards. It feels empty with so much…air polluted with diesel and negativity and voices. I struggle to find it’s purity, it’s oxygen…my breath.
Then I go there…I find woods with hummingbird intersections and tall grass with texture. There is water but it’s muddy, trees… but their song is muffled. I don’t find the stillness even in a place completely still. I’m here, at an ashram, a place steeped in spirituality and boiling over with discipline and purpose…my mind rushes and my breath is quick and my heart wants to know “are You even there? Can you find me…here, under lavender and toes in green and my soul shining…searching…like a flashlight in a cave of nothing?” I can’t drink it in, no matter how sweet the circumstances seem to be…I can’t find You.
Then I know. That’s how it always is. I stop, then I know.
See, you don’t have to always feel someone to know they are there. You don’t have to have a quiet mind to find yourself. You don’t need a temple or an organic meal or even thousands of acres of crisp mountain air to attract Spirit. You are the temple, the air, the soft sky and the twinkling stars…you are the host. I am the host. In a busy mind, Spirit is there…gently nudging me not to necessarily quiet…but to find Him in the “busy.” God doesn’t thrive in perfection – God finds weakness and then shines through as your strength.
I don’t need to press my face against the glass, scanning the world for what I can find. I have it… in here. In myself, in my home…in my passions, in my books, my flowers, my home-cooked meals. It’s in my planning and my decorating and my dangly earrings that I bought because “there’s just something about that color.” It’s in my crooked teeth and the freckles on my shoulders, it’s behind the black speck in my left eye. Creator of diversity. Divine Love. The All Knowing Source.
There Divine Mother is, around me and working through me…my beauty, my light, my gifts, my voice… to guide my littles to take deep breaths of love and to send that purest oxygen toward themselves and others. She is in me, planting seeds of peace and harmony and compassion. It’s all inside of me – the buzz, the quiet, the moving energy…the love, the growth – even the harvest.
I have it all.
It’s me. I’m the expression of Him/Her.
You see, the moon will show up in the mountains or in the city, but you’ll never find her without having eyes of wonder.
My soul is alive with the sound of music because that’s the only reason I was created – to spin and dance under God’s seeing eye, with my heart and soul vibrating purity and devotion and love for my majestic Creator.
God finds us where we are. The soul doesn’t have to search, it just needs to shine. Create love around you today…whether that’s with a home cooked meal or taking flowers to a friend…maybe you sing while you walk or you mindfully show gratitude for every beautiful moment…the butterflies, the birds, smooth pebbles on the pavement. Show gratitude for the challenging moments…and watch how they change.
Create love…you’re already found.