You’re exactly what I always pictured. Soft pink toes clinging to the grass, eyes big and blue reflecting the sky and the rain and even my own face. Oh how I love you. You’re the baby of my dreams that I dreamt years ago, in our new home where everything was perfect except for me missing you.

Sometimes I wondered why you took so long to find me, but I understand it’s because I had to find myself first to welcome you with the love your soul craved. Is that why you’re here? Because I can be the mother you’ve always wanted? Or is it because you can teach me the rest I didn’t learn the four times before? Maybe both.

Spirit, lately my body has felt weak…my mind is dull and even my emotions are worn down until I don’t imagine anything, I don’t want anything, and maybe that’s the point. Did I have to be so worn out with experience that I finally came back down to earth, to this realm and this body and these people? Did I have to leap and bound and grow and put myself out there to realize that in here is best? Spirit, I’m trying to understand..but You remind me to stop – and to just be because understanding is the worst for awareness.

I’m reminded that shifts aren’t punishment. They are a necessity, a grace.

Growing to a family of 7 was hard work but I’ve never felt so much love.

The sky changing each morning, even the air moving – I welcome.

The kettle whistles, the coffee brews, the candle flickers and the cats groom and I’m reminded that stillness with small actions are essential for outcome…whether that’s a cup of tea or clean hair. Change is necessary to fully be in any moment.

If I could look at my life as I do the morning sky or the waning moon…or even the coffee in my cup – I would understand You and this.

That’s why we’re here isn’t it?

We’re here to feel tide against our toes and watch it go. We’re here to glimpse a fish sparkle in the water, to hold hands tightly with the ones we love because this existence isn’t forever…it’s just a moment for our soul to experience the grace and the majesty and the wonder of joy.

So here I sit, early in the morning with my mug next to typing hands and oatmeal simmering and the words from my soul being displayed on a screen and what I want to say is that a piece of me get’s it. I think I get it. The babies come as birds fly and fish swim and hair greys – to represent passages and time and physical expression of The Most High. That’s why it is the way it is. Shifts have to happen to keep us where we are, which is exactly where we should be. I leave these unedited words and photos as representation of acceptance of who I am in this moment – completely perfect and loved by the Divine in the way that I am…in my original state. As I blink my eyes and move into the next moments, and the ones after that…I take with me the love and beauty of this existence, knowing that I am as cherished as my most beloved child, as free as the morning doves, as strong as the changing aspen. It’s all here for you, and for me, to feel the goodness of God.

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