It’s the eve, once again, of my eternal change. I say “eternal” because this growing, this transforming, is never quite through. It goes on and on and on, like the terrifying idea that heaven is just gold roads and me singing praises for the rest of existence. Freaky. Consistently accepting chances for radical change can create a rather long road, a long race against self and time…but my consolation prize isn’t really a consolation at all…it’s the real deal. It’s the blue ribbon, the goldest medallion of gold medallions. It’s completely innocent of anything superficial…it’s the stuff of depth, of realness, of purity.
You see, we’re here for a time to do a very good work – all of us. It’s not the only time you’ll be here, or the only opportunity to give and to express and to be…but it is one of those times. For much of my life all I could see was this exterior, scrubbing self tanner into my fair skin and aspiring to own sheets with a higher thread count (which, by the way, really give you no higher degree in humanness).
Then there was this awakening – I’m not sure if it happened all at once or if the initial pin pricks began in the very beginning of me…I just don’t know. But what I do know, is that these little holes in my heart space were painfully stretched by life’s happenings. They were pulled and twisted and sometimes they bled. Often they were just numb by the growing gauge of experience. They grew through empathy and through the strength of finding gratitude in hard moments. They grew in stillness, in acceptance, in letting go. They spread and merged and reached until all that is mostly left, is just a gaping hole of light that is incapable of holding on to anything heavy, anything dark.
By the way, the steady stream of light no longer hurts but is so so SO comfortable and warm and secure that I don’t remember the dark spaces…much.
It’s rather addictive.
So, this day…the last day before I embark on more training, on more vulnerability, on the possibility of more relationships – I vow to keep myself grounded knowing that each step will be a choice in remaining light, glowing from the inside out with word and deed and stillness – and finding in my soul a new sense of divinity…new possibilities and new ways to connect to Great Spirit.
The more you open, the more you allow goodness to seep and steep and pour, the closer you become to Self…shedding the assembly line production and accepting the label “handmade with love by The Divine.”