Oh dear soul, let me tell you – it’s okay to want.
Dear love, let me remind you – you can crave.
Oh dear heart, let me tell you – it’s good to love. It’s good to love with all of you – wearing your heart on your sleeve isn’t ever ever the crime.
The offense, the pain…comes from caring so much, then when the friendship isn’t given, or grandpa is taken away, or a fruit farm in your backyard will never ever be – you steal your own joy by believing that without them ,or him, or it , you aren’t complete.
Please don’t believe that.
Or maybe do.
Yes, definitely maybe you should…just so you can have the satisfaction of wrestling with it for a bit, maybe biting its ear while it stomps your foot. Howling can feel good too. Maybe howl just a little bit as you twist it’s arm…then let it go. It’ll beg to stay…but just let it go. Sit with the emptiness, then when you’re ready…maybe invite it back knowing that it isn’t the problem.
The pain started when you became attached to their attachment of you, when you reacted to their reaction…really…it’s just you. It’s you’re endless search of some place called “heaven” that’s full of something called “happiness.” It’s your lust for the perfect taste and the perfect person and the perfect cat and the perfect leggings that look hip but also classy and the perfect birthday card with just the right words that make you feel seen and wanted and there isn’t a picture of cake on the front because they know you like pie. It’s your lust of being seen.
You see, a cabin in the woods may be disguised as heaven, and acceptance may feign unconditional love, and riches may camouflage itself as security – but the truth is…all of this is held within you. Deep down in your core, some call it a “soul” , is a wealth of everything you will ever need…and the ability to let go of what no longer serves you. You actually know, that when it really comes down to it – you didn’t want a birthday card, you wanted to be seen as a child, and nice words won’t fix the past. They didn’t and don’t see you- but you see you. You see all of you…and you’re gonna buy yourself that pie.
So listen to the wind, sing to the sun, hold on to the hand of your lover…but know that even stillness, even in clouds and even alone – you have everything. You are everything you need, because in you…is the Divine. The Universe held in your heart, flowing through your blood, releasing with your breath…life and death and resurrection of dreams all within your perfect soul. That’s right…your absolutely perfect soul.
You don’t have to not want anymore…but release joy wrapped up in the person or the thing or the goal or the expectation or the dream or the nachos. See, inner peace doesn’t come in tissue paper and a polka dot gift bag. Neither does acceptance. It isn’t under layer and layers of muck or tucked behind a painful past. You don’t need dynamite to unearth it. You are a vessel of inner peace, bright and shining and full of light…and all the grime, the pain of rejection, the bitterness of not “amounting”, the fake “I am” because “I have all of this” just takes up space inside of you. Let me repeat. You are the vessel, the whole package, the river and the tree and the stars and the moon and the owl that flew past my house last night. All of the rest…those are add ons. Joy is you and you are joy and it can’t be stolen or taken away. What it can do though…is it can grow. It can bubble and brew and rise and overflow sooo much that it can eventually be shared authentically and graciously and without ever being depleted.
This is true non attachment. Everlasting joy, bliss, steadiness and security that’s not dependent on feelings or situations because of the knowing that you are worthy and that opinions, high or low, and money…and titles…and body shape…and cat calls…and split ends don’t make up you. Let go of joy based on desires, but have joy while you desire.
So, dear friend, dear Self, know that heaven is inside of you…where moss and rust can’t corrupt….and the only thief is yourself. The pearly gate that exists is the purity of your soul, and the streets of gold that you walk can be found anywhere you accept the miracle of what is.